Snow
Hehe, I do love the snow. It makes everything so pretty. Even Stockport is made a slightly less oppressive place to live by this fluffy white blanket. I've always wanted enough snow to "trudge" through, and today's deluge more than sufficed for this purpose. Thank heavens for my autistic watching of Ray Mears or I would have surely died on the way to the station. I do envy the younger generation at this point: yes they are having their minds warped by internet pornography, yes they'll live with having every breath analyzed for explosive traces, yes their education will consist of how to build and use pick-axes for Peter Mandelson's naquada mines and yes they'll likely die in Gruel Wars of the 2040's, but they got lots of snow to play in. Enough for real snowball fights. Ones with ammo dumps and forts, no harvesting pathetic shavings from shadowed window sills or grimly throwing icy sludge at each other for them. No sir. Lucky bastards.

Grit
SHUT UP ABOUT THE GRIT, and general lack of preparedness. There, I said it. Yes we were unprepared for it, but in the same way Hiroshima failed to prepare for the atomic bomb. Think of it this way: imagine now the streets were being cleaned by marvelous laser-driven super-ploughs, atomic powered de-icers and teams of GM huskies that eat snow and shit rock-salt. Now imagine it's back in October 2009 when the trend was for council workers to search all the lands sofas for a few extra pennies, the headlines would have been interesting:

"Council madness as USELESS fusion-plows have never seen snow"
"WHITE ELEPHANTS - with a picture of a plow, see snow is white and we have none so the plow is useless... like a white elephant-"
"Millions wasted on acquisition and maintenance of equipment designed for Siberia... not SUBurbia"*

Oh the scandals there would have been, the fidgeting of Press Officers as they're asked about the never-used equipment, why? Because it's been 30 years since this country saw this weather and it would be silly to have made such investment in the snow clearing arts. Now if this happens consecutively for say 3 years then yes, the fact the country grinds to a halt every time a flake tumbles from the sky would be an issue. For now unless you need oxygen delivering just chill and don't ring a radio station or talk to a reporter...


Plebbledashing
This may be my word of the year, and I only found it a few days ago amongst the ravings of Charlie Brooker. It fits so perfectly with it's definition "The padding of a short or low quality news item with pointless vox-popping. I'm not sure if it's a 'real' media buzz-word or he made it up, but I love it. Anyway yes, had the amount of plebbledashing surrounding the weather been turned into grit, we'd have no snow on the ground most of the UK would resemble the Sahara. I'm just so sick of hearing peoples experiences of the snow, seeing pictures of their street with snow or seeing the snow golems they've summoned (apart from the Darlek, that was awesome). I simply can't bare hearing another fucking person say "well I tried to go to work/school/collect my heroin fix/ but couldn't" to a microphone.


Is there really so little news that every report about airport closures has to be laced with this drivel? I get the reporters want to play in the stuff themselves but they could at least pretend to be doing their job properly. Please, only show the stories than involve cannibalism or the approach of Imperial Walkers






*Why don't I work for a red-top? This stuff is solid gold.

Elections
Why should the leading party get to say when an election is called? Simple question really. Why? We know that our system is relatively* undemocratic but it does seem something of an affront to liberty to allow the party in charge to choose the opportune moment to call for it's own reappointment. When something shiny has distracted the more dimwitted of the voting populous perhaps. I'm actually surprised the election wasn't sneaked through during either the collective lobotomy of Michael Jackson's expiration or the ghoulish vulture-fuck surrounding Jade Goodies "too-hot-for-TV" demise; times when 90% of this moronic country were weeping into their commemorative t-shirts and the remaining 10% of us were feeling too fantastically superior to notice the last seal keeping Peter Mandelson in hell had been broken.


Even if one disregards any high-minded ideals of freedom, how about the boredom that comes with waiting for the damn thing to start? The political situation resembles the phoney war currently; each party press-releasing here, sound-biting there, all ready for the starting gun. Declare war so we can all start having some fun watching the fake dead smiles of politicians as they're forced to be in proximity to the common man. On a personal note, family members have previously had to cancel holidays due to sudden election announcements and while I'm not saying decisions should be made just for the benefit of me and mine, there are worse reason... Simply put there's no valid reason why an election shouldn't be the same time every four years as long as there isn't some sort of apocalypse occurring. Delivering leaflets during a zombie uprising would be problematic.



Security Scanners
What's the big deal? Seriously? Do you need reminding of the fuss that occurred upon the discovery of the X-Ray a century or so ago? the potential horrors of mad scientists fiendishly masturbating to their photo album of techo-horrors? "BUT THEY CAN SEE THE OUTLINE OF MY BODY" people cry "I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE, NEVER MIND YOUR OUTLINE" I zing back, whilst waiting for a high-five.

I'm sure in these days of the internet, sex pests and paedophiles can find more alluring pictures of their chosen demographic than the blue-tinted and vaguely ghost-like images from these security devices. Sad fact is, there are people who enjoy blowing up planes, and they only need to be successful once to achieve their aim. I for one would sacrifice the potential of a security guard chuckling at my tubby ass for being on that one "successful" operation in the name of God.


And finally
What caps this off is that, in a variety bag of "fun sized" treats, there was only 2 bags of Skittles :P







*I say relatively, as calling Britain undemocratic is one of those hyperbolic statements one normally makes from a soapbox while dressed as a clown, from a nice padded cell or from the editors desk of the Daily Mail. It's like saying Britain is a police state, when it's clearly not; when you detain someone on flimsy evidence and let them out to a flurry of journalists and protests this is not a police state; arresting someone in flimsy evidence, raping them with a bottle the leaving them half-dead at a relatives home is a police state. Ahem

Well 2009 was a fun year, I think? It's actually quite hard to tell what with the years now blurring into one another. Must be old age. So to place the year in some sort of order

Things that happened this year that hadn't occurred previously
- Became a published scientist, thus fulfilling last years resolution
- Taught a class

Shitty things of the year
- Being notified of my lack of funding on the same day as the summer Cosplay party. Arses
- Being fired one week before the end of a work contract

Resolutions
- Ensure my body resembles a Greek statue that is adored by men and worshiped by women (well at least more so than now)
- Produce a blog that has at least one reader I haven't met in person
- Get a PhD, even if I have to do the sort of things that would make a Liverpudlian whore blush (so getting an honest job then, ha ha ha)
- Find a piece of the true cross and drive it into Dark Lord Mandelson's chest thus banishing him back to the realm of shadows.

Special mention
- Zero Punctuation for being a consistent source of hilarity.

Well it's been a fine Christmas break so far. I say break, but as I only work the most generous definition of "part time" it's not like I've technically had a lot of time off. Anyway. Presents were good, food and alcohol flowed as if the Gods themselves were in attendance and as yet there have been no family squabbles or fatalities.

Present of the year clearly goes to my shiny shiny laser pointer / slide changer. Not only has it got inherent gadget appeal it will also be very useful when my class resumes in, eugh, 5 days time. Did I mention it's really shiny and lasery (sp?). Wonderful.



That said, the "Must See" TV this Christmas has been a bit hit and miss.
Dr Who
I've never been a massive fan of the new Dr Who, but have always tuned into the "big events" (Specials and the like) and enjoyed them. Part one of this years however was massively disappointing. Either I was lapsing in and out of a sweet-induced diabetic coma or clearly didn't pay sufficient attention, but the flow of the story made very little sense (something that seems to have swept the BBC script department like swine flu this year); So the Master comes back, then is stopped, but isn't, now he is leaking, but has super powers, eats people, someone has a stargate/bio-bed. WHAT? Also, I imagine the return of the Time Lords will be a CGI, explosion and nudity laced epic as they clearly could only afford a council house and an abandoned coal mine set for this episode.

Day of the Triffids
I really liked the book; it's another fine example of nihilistic British Sci-Fi, and as following the source material goes, this incarnation was fairly faithful in spirit. But as with Mr Who, it suffered from scripting insanity. I know people can often behave irrationally in disaster situations, more so when said situation is universal blindness multiplied by aggrieved carnivorous plants, but these people, Dear God. It's as if they intentionally wanted to die. There was too much of this maddening, teeth grinding behaviour; From unnamed Triffid activist to "Handcuff" Coko, inexplicable actions were abound. As for Eddie Izzards character? Who was he again? Are the people of the south that dense that all one needs to have a command of "Shoot the children" pass without comment is a snappy suit? Torrence's actions resembled a Greek God sneaking earth round just to fuck up the protagonists day. He was the guy hilariously emptying the suitcase as his roommate packs for a holiday. Having him on scream was a consistent stream of horror-genre "Lets split up" moments and I couldn't forgive the production for this.

Saying that, episode two (IE the one with significantly less Torrence) was pretty good. I actually rather liked the Triffids themselves - although they still suffered from the usual annoyance of not behaving like organisms - the acting was pretty good; even the appearance of children didn't grate and I never tire of seeing London burn. Maybe some of the more jarring plot developments (see above) would have been smoothed by an extra hour of program time? Overall it was enjoyable, but I wouldn't purposely watch it again.

Hamlet
David Tennent was good, the modern dress was fine and it's nice to see Captain Picard has found work outside of Starfleet. I don't like Hamlet as a play though. The titular prince is such a whiny asshole, and if one assumes the Ghost is his own mind (I am reliably informed "the authority of the Ghost" is a hot debate amongst friendless Shakespeare scholars) then he is all the more so. Fine, this technically isn't a reason to criticize the program, but they should have done Macbeth or Othello instead.




Looking forward to the New Year party :D I mean we only have 3 more left according to some, although by some I mean knuckle dragging morons who wandered into a bookshop in a pot induced daze and accidentally fell into the "Quackery" section

It's the time of year when every newspaper, blog, journal and notes page fills with the joys of the year gone by, and this will be no exception. It does make one realise however, just how long a year actually is: I can't actually remember most of the films, books or music I have consumed this year. Thankfully, most of these arrived via that wonderful porthole of goods Amazon.co.uk, so at least I can use my "previous orders" list as an aide memoir.


Best Film: Watchmen
It's been a good year for films and thus choosing the winner of the coveted "Dave thinks your the best" award proved tricky. "In The Loop", while being "The Thick of it" movie in all but name, was immensly funny, and like the winner aged well upon a second viewing. The Twilight antidote vampire film "Let the right one in" was a superb thoughtful piece, as was "Moon", and District 9 demonstrated (hope your listening Mr's Lucas and Cameron) that you don't need a massive budget to create believable and empathetic CGI characters. Star Trek was also good but suffered greatly on a second watch. The winner is however Watchmen. It was just so damn entertaining. Hats off to Zack for filming the unfilmable story, and for improving the ending while showing a hallowed fan-boy respect for the material. I enjoyed the film even more on a second viewing that revealed much more depth in character than I initially thought and hence it's victory. Perhaps it was the IMAX giant naked blue man that distracted me in the cinema.

Honourable mentions
- Let The Right One In
- Moon
- In the Loop
- District 9


Best Book: After Tamerlane: The Rise and Fall of Global Empires, 1400-2000
It was quite a lean year for me fiction wise; my two favourite sci-fi authors, Peter Hamilton and Alastair Reynolds, produced lackluster efforts and my genre of choice was only salvaged by a late entry entitled "The Romulan War" that proved for entertainment to be had, if a book can't be well written it can at least be short. So the prize (and the honourable mentions) go to the non-fiction titles. I went very Historical this year with 4 book on China and the far east, as well as two on European history and an assortment of discipline related tomes. The winner is After Tamerlane. It wins not just because it is a great book, but also as it's an important one. If you want a basic understanding of why the world is as it is, this is the book: By comparing Europe, the Middle East and Far East it explains just why Europe ended up dominating the world so completely when in 1400 it was little more than a scientific and cultural backwater. Fascinating stuff. Don't worry, there is no jingoistic "master race" posturing to be had, just detailed accounts of how geography, climate, social factors and occasionally blind luck can change the course of history.


Honourable mentions
- China: A History
- The Pursuit of Glory: Europe 1648-1815
- The Maladapted Mind: Classic Readings in Evolutionary Psychopathology
- The Handicap Principle: A Missing Piece of Darwin's Puzzle


Best TV show: Stargate Universe
It has also been a pretty good year for all things cult TV. We finally buried the much beloved Battlestar and saw the birth (and burial) of Dollhouse, which just missed out on the title spot by being both hit-and-miss episode wise and by being lumbered with Eliza Dushku as the main (and sadly often the only) character: Perks of associate production one must assume. The rest on the honourable list have provided fantastic returns, especially SWTCW, which demonstrated that flogging a dead horse does occasionally provide results. There is also another entry for Team Iannucci with the consistently hilarious The Thick of It. Oh, and I forgot, there was also the excellent horror-comedy "Being Human" Nevertheless, the years best NEW series was Stargate Universe. As the bastard child of Battlestar and SG:1 it has "gritty" tattooed throughout it's DNA; add to this a rather different episode structure than the usual sci-fi fare and some great acting (lead by the superb Robert Carlyle), it clearly was the best show to be created this year.


Honourable mentions
- Dollhouse
- The Thick of it
- Being Human
- Fringe: Season 2
- Legend of the Seeker: Season 2
- Star Wars The Clone Wars: Season 2


Best Album: Muse - The Resistance
New music and me have not gotten on for a while now. It's not that I eschew all that is modern, I simply can't be arsed doing the metaphorical legwork it takes to find new acts. I prefer to just pick up the occasional suggestion from friends - I say this as I'm sure I've missed some 'epic' titles this year. Still, the Mars Volta released another fantastic record as they continue to trundle down the road to prog-wankery. Steve Earles "Townes" tribute to, well, guess, was a great country & western find courtesy of Mark Kermode's radio show. As was Seth Lakemen (fiddle player) who suffers from the same affliction as Lene Marlin; A great and melancholic live sound that is consistently spoiled on-record by an over zealous producer who insists every recording should resemble the shriveled repertoire of an X-Factor finalist. So, to the winner.

The Resistance is a fantastic album and (depending on my mood) Muse's best. Production wise it strikes a wonderful balance between the raw sound of earlier albums and the overproduction that undermined so much of "Blackholes and Revelations". Its a beautifully crafted, over-the-top, slightly progressive, alternative rock album that everyone should own. It has a real sense of narrative and a great sense of pace and for what my opinion's worth only has one truly bad track: Sadly, given said track is the next single, Muse don't seem to agree. There are some great rock anthems in the form of Resistance, Unnatural Selection and MK Ultra (which as grown on me since my initial opinion of it) as well as the more pompous and Queen "influenced" United States... and it finishes of the haunting Exogenesis parts 1 - 3. Yes. I liked it rather a lot.

Honourable mentions
- The Mars Volta: Octahedron.
- Steve Earle: Townes
- Seth Lakmen (Live)


Finally...

WORST Game: Empire - Total War
While I clean Matt Bellamy's semen from between my teeth I will also wipe away the tear shed as I typed the title to this award. I wanted so dearly to love Empire, it seemed to promise everything we Total Warriors have wanted for so long, but like the dreams of a battered wife, hope and longing was met with repeated blows to the head. I have tried to enjoy this game, really really tried, but how can you be anything other than scornful of a game it took 6 months of patching to make playable and a further 3 months to make it worth playing. On top of that the DLC were lackluster efforts akin to the petrol-station flowers bought once the alcohol has gone and the bruises have faded; yes we were grateful, but only because it was but one moment without fear, where we allowed ourselves to dream again. Only to find our hands being placed between desk draws. What is worse, Napoleon: TW seems includes everything empire promised to have so long ago; to torture the metaphor further, our lover has found a better job, abandoned the family to a hovel for our sister, and at the same time bought her a far bigger house. Curse you Creative Assembly and your SEGA puppet masters. Curse you



I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas :)

So Avatar, James Cameron's game changing, sci-fi, CGI epic...

It's alright.


OK, The Good
Yes the CG is spectacular: The mix of real and fake actors is seamless, the world is beautiful and the scenes with the flying mountains actually gave me a touch of vertigo. Certainly benefited from all the CG touching up of the live cast; if everything is stylized the visual logic of the film remains in tact. Yes its very pretty, yes it will likely change movie-making. Can we move on.

Cameron is also clearly a great director; especially for action sequences (No real surprise there) which are fantastic, but also in general. For example; we learn through 'acting' that one of the other avatar pilots is jealous of Jake, we know Ms Weaver is bitter at something, that the Colonal is a bastard; all without a "THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I THINK scene. Small things yes, but highlights a deft touch in direction and scripting; the purposeful leaving of things unsaid. It's actually a rather dire comment on the state of recent blockbusters that the absence of incessant soliloquising is worthy of note. It's shows restraint in story telling, that everything need not be explained.

The acting is fine. In fact that's almost a negative point. Everything takes such a back stage to the CG, you hardly notice performances. Suppose you would if they were bad though. So like I said, acting is fine.

Lastly, and without giving away spoilers, the ending was pretty good. While not quite ideal, it certainly wasn't the battle of Endor I had feared since initially seeing the trailers. Still, I don't see why a kinetic or nuclear strike from orbit was out of the question...


Now The bad
The story is awful. Not Uwe Boll/George Lucas awful, but still a stunted, feeble retelling of a worn out tale. Yes, it is A man called Horse, it is Dances with wolves, it is Fern Gully and it is New World. Worse, more than any of the films just mentioned, it resembles The Last Samurai, which starred everyone's favourite gurning midget cult member. It's a tired formula that Avatar really does nothing more than repackage, shiny as the new package is. Given Jake's cultural transformation is somewhat more literal than other movies, it may actually have removed something from said formula. Sodium maybe.

Ah, this brings us nicely to 'politics' of the piece. A technologically advanced race of invaders, who care nothing for the indigenous inhabitants, or their ways, who just want to pillage the world. OMFGW, that like so happened in our history, and is still happening now (says the 17 year-old in the Che t-shirt to the hot wiccan girl he's trying to 'seduce'). I get the feeling there was initially more to this Unobtainium than made it into the final cut and a little fleshing out could have made a great deal of difference. Why it's so expensive? We hear that earth is dying, a throw away "This is keeping the O2 plants working back home" or something would have at least given the tiniest moral uncertainty to the actions of the characters. It would have made Jake's choices a genuine betrayal. As it is one may as well call the company 'EvilCorp' and the mineral 'Baby Seal Tears'

Also, it's too long, far far too long. There's only so many hours a guy can sit and watch two happy blue Thunder Cats skip merrily through a landscape designed on the morning the dictionary calendar revealed "bio-luminescence" to be the word of the day. I understand the desire to show off ones lovingly crafted world, but a film also has to be entertaining; LotR tried my patients with it's continual vista shots courtesy of the New Zealand tourist board, and at least there was an added "oooo, I could actually visit that" element to these. With Avatar I felt like a parent whose offspring is demanding continual attention as s/he attempts cartwheels or whatever; "But your not looking!!!!!!" Cameron continually cries.

Finally, I still think there is a way to go before CG characters, especially alien ones, can elicit an emotional reaction. I can't say I felt much for the Na'vi, they still looked very CGI (maybe it was the bright blue skin, or the USB 2.0 tail interface). It's not impossible, Gollum was a fantastic character, but here I didn't feel anything for them. Granted it could be I really dislike the idea of the noble savage in touch with nature; it's as archaic a belief as that which once proposed Europeans to be "more evolved" than others, and therefore couldn't get past the subtext. More reasonably, human face recognition is so complex the technology simply isn't up to "tricking" our brains properly yet. Use the Avatar tech for the world crafting and leave the emoting to the organics for now.


Closing
Avatar is a good film; it's fun, it's exciting, it's entertaining and some of the visuals are breathtaking. However, much like an expense courtesan, it is superficial in it's exotic delights. There's nothing too it. Ste and I left the cinema with nothing to discuss, because there is nothing too discuss. Good guys are good, bad bugs are bad and things on Pandora haven't quite grasped the 'not glowing' part of nocturnal behaviour.